Alright so you might be wondering,
“Well gee, you sound like an awesome person who enjoys being sexually active and has no trouble finding safe, consenting partners – why are you doing this?”
To which I would respond,
“Thank you that is so incredibly sweet of you to say! And you’re totally right, I feel great and I do enjoy having sex! I just am going through a lot of things in life right now…” would be my slightly whiny response.
But here’s what’s really going on:
So over the past few months I’ve had some increases in mood and mental health instability. By that I mean that I’ve been struggling with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) for a while now and my symptoms have been flaring up and causing rather severe issues with my school work, work-work, friendships, and my life in general.
“But how is this related to your sex drive?” you ask.
Well okay so what happened is that I was on some medications that were helping me quite well when I started them over summer break. Unfortunately, when I came back to school and the stress started to pile up, my medications didn’t work well enough and instead my mood dropped to a drastic all-time low and I was in a dangerous state of mind. So after that I was prescribed new medications. The problem is that everyone reacts to medications differently so I reacted to this new medication with a huge decrease in libido (among other tolerable but not great side effects). I have been fully inept and totally unable to receive or feel full sexual pleasure by myself and with toys (and I haven’t dared try anything more vulnerable).
Because of that, I’ve abstained from any other sexual interaction since I’m feeling deprived of feeling sexually confident and knowing that every time I’m with someone I like or feel attracted to, I’ll feel pleasure even if I don’t climax but now I’m afraid I wouldn’t even be able to provide adequate lubrication on my own which isn’t a huge problem but my confidence in my body to do what its supposed to is just being dragged through the mud.
Long story short, drugs can have negative side effects and I don’t really know if this is worth it for me. Sex provides a source of relieving stress and also helps me feel more in tune with my body, which then leads me to feel more confident and generally feel much better about things. So are my anti-depressants that I’m relying on to help keep me safe, stable and alive, really worth it?
I feel like that should be a no-brainer answer but it feels more complicated than that.
I think the greater topic I’m breaching here is the dependance we’ve formed on drugs to solve our problems and how sometimes they have adverse effects on other areas of our health but it seems like it’s always a balance slightly tipping in either direction. That isn’t ideal at all, but what I’m wondering is, is this the best method to combat these illnesses? What did our ancestors do before medicine was available? Were there any other effective, natural treatments? Or perhaps these are fairly new conditions so we have yet to adapt and therefore require new medications for these new afflictions?
Leave comments below if you or someone you know have felt dependant on pharmaceuticals for physical and/or mental health and how it might have affected you (their) lives for worse in some cases. Have you heard of any alternatives? What about things like meditation and yoga, I hear there’s a science to it but I feel like I don’t have enough time to properly focus on those things.. thoughts?
As always, thank you guys for reading. Please comment below on this topic as it’s something that’s afflicting me today and I want to know if perhaps I can reach out to other people experiencing similar problems. Are there any movements against drugs? Any psychiatrists who don’t just prescribe tons of different drugs until they find the right concoction? Is that a stereotype? I don’t know, help me out here if you have any thoughts or ideas.
Be kind and prosper, this month is traditionally seen as a month of giving thanks in the U.S. so I’d just like to say that so far, I’m thankful for having you, the reader. Its not easy to share my thoughts but the few people who read them are so lovely and I just want to thank you all. Share in the comments below what’s one thing you’re grateful!
Love, love, love,