Hey all you beautiful people wherever you are! I was thinking about you guys a lot. I realized that I really want to get to know you all so please drop me a comment below or anything you’d like really but I’d love to hear from any and all of you!
So my fall break just ended, I just got back from my Canada trip…. and while I was there I decided rather on the spot that I wasn’t going to take many digital pictures, instead I took my film camera, a Minolta SRT 102 model and used that. It was the first time I’d actually gone and used a film camera since like.. the early 2000’s. So I screwed up, pretty bad.. I didn’t put the film in right so I think I messed it up.
Anyways, what that means is that there aren’t many photos of my trip but I did take like 5 on my phone hoping to share with you guys.
So you’ll notice that the last picture says the place I was “supposed to camp at”… that didn’t end up happening because I discovered that regardless of what anyone else has to say about me being super picky about planning trips, I really don’t like not knowing what to do or where to go at the end of the day.
Maybe this will sound weird to you guys but planning trips especially far away ones, excites me. As in I get a rush, but I feel calm and collected, being totally in control and figuring out bus rates and trains to take to certain locations is so soothing to me. I absolutely LOVE planning where I’ll be staying, what is the least expensive trip, where are the best places to eat, see, and experience… and since I felt that I wasn’t “free” enough or acting like a normal young adult would and just taking off and going with the flow, I felt I needed to conform? Even though I haven’t been blatantly told I overplan too much in a while I still thought I should give this a try.
Well, it turns out that was a terrible idea. I was pulled over for looking at maps on my phone trying to get to a highway since my internet wasn’t working but my GPS somehow was. And let me tell you, I had a scare similar to the “last man on earth hears a knock on the door” joke because I’m stopped at a red light, when all of a sudden, a loud ass knock is on my window, the driver’s side window and there’s suddenly a cop in the middle of the road telling me he’s pulling me over to give me a ticket. Yeah, totally unexpected.
Luckily he took pity on me, or maybe he actually couldn’t fine me? He just told me he wouldn’t since my plates say I’m from California and I only have a California license as well. I admitted I was incredibly lost and he tried to help me but his instructions weren’t great. After another half hour of being lost I pulled over and set up my phone to be hands-free and hoped for the best. I eventually got home but what a day.. I’m glad it’s over actually even though I feel quite stressed, I’m glad I’m going back to classes. Wait no, that’s a lie. I don’t want to go back to classes, I want more break time. I want to find a different kind of rest, maybe in the form of cuddles. My best friend is great at that but I feel like I’m starting to feel lonely again, not in a ‘I don’t have friends’ way, rather the ‘I have friends, but its not enough and I feel helpless’ kind of way. I’m not sure platonic cuddles help. They’re nice but I’m feeling alone again.
Last time I took a trip by myself it was liberating. I went home with a renewed sense of spirit and of self, this time.. I feel lost. Like I’m not sure what I wanted from that trip. I almost feel like I didn’t even go. It’s weird. I just feel weird.
Have any of you ever felt this kind of… loss of sense of “home” or feeling displaced. Not out of place, but … un-placed. Lacking a place to begin with, I’m not sure if there’s a word for this. If anyone knows what I mean and I’m not speaking gibberish please comment below!
I’ll try my best to smile to strangers I see tomorrow, join me in my efforts and share your love so it can be shared back with you?